God sometimes has a funny way of talking to me.
I attended a renewal/recollection seminar last weekend. During one of its reflection segments, I recalled how God snapped me out of one of my angsty moments that happened awhile back.
Two years or so into my Mom’s death, I was so bitter and angry at everything and everyone including my only sister that I shut everyone out. I refused to talk or even see family and friends for months. I resented those who ambushed their way into my life and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I went to hear Mass every single day angry, looking for peace, for answers. I found none. My prayers were no better. I lashed out at Him, questioning Him, doubting Him. One time in prayer when I was at my angriest, I finally just stopped talking, sat still and silent, long enough for Him to answer my lamentations. His answer was not that of a Father's or that of a Heavenly Being's but that of a barkada's. He said, in His usual serene one liner, "Arte mo!" That definitely snapped me out of my "kaartehan" and slowly got me out of the dumps I was in. You're so funny, God!
In my blog post "Answers to Prayers", I mentioned that I had said "Yes" to the invitation to attend this renewal/recollection seminar...but not without hesitation and grumbling. I decided to just give this renewal a shot. I had been so active with Singles for Christ it had burnt me out. I was not just visible in SFC, I was everywhere- LUZVIMIN! So this time, after being “absent” from service for some time, I had planned to keep it low key…to keep it slow. In fact, when the seminar was winding down, I had a serious conversation with God. I’d told Him “This is it! I had said “Yes” to You and this seminar. I attended it in spite of the LBM and menstrual pains but I’d like to keep it slow for now, ok? I’d get a feel of things first and keep it low for a while before I get in to the groove of things again. Ok? Ok!"
But I guess “slow" was not in His plan. During the "graduation" ceremonies, we were told that a new set of officers was selected to prepare and serve in the next seminar ...and what do you know - I was appointed President. "No way!" I screamed inside. When I heard my name called, I thought, "There's got to be a mistake, for crying out loud" (and at that moment, I really wished I could - cry out loud, I mean). That night I didn't pray - I begged! Appealed! Negotiated! Bargained! And begged some more! I have absolutely no idea what or how much work or time would be involved and this made me crazier than I already am. By following morning I was still freaking out. But then I opened this e-mail that said, "Relax. I (God) am still in charge." That made me smile, shake my head and heave a sigh in resignation... resignation to His will. So, here I am, relaxing (at least trying to) and letting Him take charge. You’re so funny, God!
I attended a renewal/recollection seminar last weekend. During one of its reflection segments, I recalled how God snapped me out of one of my angsty moments that happened awhile back.
Two years or so into my Mom’s death, I was so bitter and angry at everything and everyone including my only sister that I shut everyone out. I refused to talk or even see family and friends for months. I resented those who ambushed their way into my life and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I went to hear Mass every single day angry, looking for peace, for answers. I found none. My prayers were no better. I lashed out at Him, questioning Him, doubting Him. One time in prayer when I was at my angriest, I finally just stopped talking, sat still and silent, long enough for Him to answer my lamentations. His answer was not that of a Father's or that of a Heavenly Being's but that of a barkada's. He said, in His usual serene one liner, "Arte mo!" That definitely snapped me out of my "kaartehan" and slowly got me out of the dumps I was in. You're so funny, God!
In my blog post "Answers to Prayers", I mentioned that I had said "Yes" to the invitation to attend this renewal/recollection seminar...but not without hesitation and grumbling. I decided to just give this renewal a shot. I had been so active with Singles for Christ it had burnt me out. I was not just visible in SFC, I was everywhere- LUZVIMIN! So this time, after being “absent” from service for some time, I had planned to keep it low key…to keep it slow. In fact, when the seminar was winding down, I had a serious conversation with God. I’d told Him “This is it! I had said “Yes” to You and this seminar. I attended it in spite of the LBM and menstrual pains but I’d like to keep it slow for now, ok? I’d get a feel of things first and keep it low for a while before I get in to the groove of things again. Ok? Ok!"
But I guess “slow" was not in His plan. During the "graduation" ceremonies, we were told that a new set of officers was selected to prepare and serve in the next seminar ...and what do you know - I was appointed President. "No way!" I screamed inside. When I heard my name called, I thought, "There's got to be a mistake, for crying out loud" (and at that moment, I really wished I could - cry out loud, I mean). That night I didn't pray - I begged! Appealed! Negotiated! Bargained! And begged some more! I have absolutely no idea what or how much work or time would be involved and this made me crazier than I already am. By following morning I was still freaking out. But then I opened this e-mail that said, "Relax. I (God) am still in charge." That made me smile, shake my head and heave a sigh in resignation... resignation to His will. So, here I am, relaxing (at least trying to) and letting Him take charge. You’re so funny, God!
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