Me time

It was a rainy Saturday afternoon in Cebu City.  It was “alone” time for me  - a rare treat for me not to be in the office as is my usual sched on a Saturday; I didn’t join the tour of the city by officemates from our Panay office;  I didn’t go to the mall.   It was “me” time, donned in comfy clothes (a.k.a “pambahay”), enjoying browsing through the internet on my laptop while having coffee at the Brown Cup Café, a cozy coffee shop just a minute’s walk from my apartment building. 

I had come across a video of this 10-year old girl, Jackie Evancho, belting out an operatic rendition of the Lord’ Prayer.  It was amazing! It was gripping! Her performance was touching! And I thought to myself, “I have GOT to show this music vid to mommy.  She’d enjoy this!”   

It took about 2 seconds for reality to sink in – my mom’s not here anymore.  It has been five years and I think of her all the time…but for the nth time, I had actually forgotten I wouldn’t be going home to her funny and loving presence.  For the nth time, I had forgotten she wasn’t waiting up for me on a late night.  For the nth time I had forgotten I wouldn’t be able to buy this blouse I saw in the mall which I thought perfect for her.   For the nth time I had actually forgotten she is gone.

My view of the laptop screen blurred as my eyes filled with tears, threatening to fall and ruin my make-up (J).   I looked out the window, avoiding the eyes of anyone looking on.   Surprisingly, while there was pain and heartache, I felt, more than anything else, blessed…wonderfully blessed!  Blessed to have had the fun times with mom, the long talks, the lessons, the love. 

Am once again reminded of how short life is, of cherishing the here and the now, of appreciating – and showing it to – the ones we love, of overlooking the flaws and centering on the good, of how beautiful life is, of how generous and merciful our Father is. 

Am once again reminded that though mom has gone on, I am not alone.  I have been gifted with an awesome presence – YOU.