on dad

My friend, Mercy, who's an amazing singer, is one heck of a writer. She has penned numerous poems and songs and shorts stories and essays. Whatever form or mood or theme her write-ups may be, they affect and stir up certain emotions in readers...well, I know they do in me.

Last year, as a Christmas present, she sent us 2 collections of her writings, one of which was a digest of songs, poems, essays while the other was a compilation of her short stories. I had previously read her writings but one of her shoutouts in FB led me to re-read her poems and essays.

One of her write-ups was about her dad who passed away some 10 years ago. She paid tribute and recalled the times she had spent with him...their walks and hang-outs and trips to wherever, her dad's favorite lullaby to her, their love for word puzzles and for writing, the little chores they did, the talks and silent moments shared.

I had to stop reading midway. The words were becoming a blur as my eyes filled with tears. And a quiet kind of fear seemed to have tugged at my heart. Fear? Yes, fear for the answers to the questions that have strayed ..."Do I remember my dad as Mercy lovingly remembers hers? Have I forgotten the little details of our times together? Do I miss him? Do I love him still?"

I talk on and on about mom…but it seems that stories of days with dad have become few and far between. So please, indulge me this.

Dad died when I was 19. I was already in my third year in college and, by other people’s standards, was supposed to be old and mature enough to handle life and its blows. But 19 was just a number to me and, really, I was just a kid. Losing a parent, at any age, is devastating, more so for one barely out of her teens. And with Dad gone, I was lost.

Dad was a good, generous and principled man who loved God and family above all else...that much I know. He went to church every single day and enjoyed serving especially kids from financially disadvantaged families...that much I recall.

He loved to make us laugh but was stern with his rules. Two of his non-negotiable rules were: no family fights; and always respect and love Mom...these I remember well. But with 2 strong-willed daughters who had an even more strong-willed mother, arguments were never far off the table. We were sneaky though and almost always got away with those girl fights - almost.

He was an architect and an artist who drew portraits so well and so fast. I so wish we kept some of his works.

I remember him giving his pay envelope with ALL of his salary to mom. Yet it was a wonder how he was always able to buy us stuff. And his gifts (and he loved surprising us with gifts), especially to mom, were quite pricey. It was only later that we found out that as a Chief Architect, he had allowances to his name... hmmm...sneaky too!

When we went malling, I’d find mom and dad H.H.W.W. (holding hands while walking). I thought it sweet but it embarrassed the life out me.

One Valentine’s day, his birthday, I remember him asking me to go out with him to look for a gift for mom. Instead of the usual pricey but practical gift my mom loooved getting, he got her a small white stuffed animal toy from a Sanrio Gift Shop. The gift was unusual of him. It was out of character. It was sweet but impractical and so unlike him. It was the last he would ever give.

My eyes are bright and smiling now - the tears are gone and I have the answers to my questions. I do remember the miniscule details of our fun times with dad. And yes, I do miss him. And yes, I do so love him still. Though I ache for him and wish that he could have seen his girls grow into (ehem, ehem) beautiful women, though I long for his warm and loving embrace, though I miss seeking him out for talks and whatnot, I am so grateful for the gift of a wonderful father and the precious little time with him…for the laughter…for the lessons…for the love…

Thank you Daddy! I love you!

straight from the mouth of babes

My sister recorded on video in her smartphone some of the dance and song numbers we (jubilarians) performed during our SMC Grand Alumni Homecoming.

My almost 2 year-old niece, Isabel, whenever she gets hold of my sister's phone, has been constantly requesting, "dance, nang" (translation: I wanna see the videos of my ninang dancing.) She waves the phone to whoever was around and proudly points me out strutting my stuff on stage. People, of course, always try to indulge babies and say "Ooohh! Ahhhh! Wooow!"

One time when Isabel was showing a video of me dancing, she was asked, "Wow! Dancing si Ninang! Maganda si 'Nang Isabel?"

Isabel, without batting an eyelash, innocently answered: " 'ngit!"

So...there you go. Straight from the mouth of babes!

simple joys...

Atty. Kristy went to the market and there she found her baskets.

That sure sounds like a line from a children's tale... and like all children's tales, that very, very short story has the makings of a happy ending. And happily her day did end with a plateful of pichi pichi from Amber's.

As she ticked off her finds for the day - the native baskets for her abubot,the baol made of yantok, the delish pichi pichi - I could practically feel her smile of delight through her text messages. She called her day out and her finds her "simple joys."

This got me to mull over the things that give me joy. Although I know there are countless things I should be thankful for, being content is something I'm struggling with. I have yet to learn "to be satisfied with what I have...whether I am full or hungry, whether I have too much or too little..." (Philippians 4:12).

Her "simple joys" (and the blog "Add to the Beauty") inspired me to start a Simple Joys for the Day/Week Journal which, I hope, could help me appreciate more and be thankful for the little blessings that usually go unnoticed.

So here goes my list of some of my simple joys (I'll start with some of the "joys" of last weekend-Oct. 23-26):

1. waking up to a beautiful sunny weather (when a storm was forecast)
2. being with my sister and her family
3. watching my niece hang at the bars, tumble on the mats and do other stuff at Little Gym
4. text messages about simple joys
5. bargains found at Eastwood Mall and at Landmark
6. preparing food stuff for the trick or treat at Valle Verde
7. dinner and a good laugh with "old" friends in a never-before-been-in resto
8. chicken burger with fries on the side and green tea
9. late-night bonding with my sister over a cup of coffee
10. attending a great party - the 7:30 A.M. Sunday Mass at Christ the King
11. malling and dining out with my sister's in-laws
12. safe drive home
13. Isabel watching videos of me dancing during the Homecoming (and calling my dancing "'ngit")
14. e-mails from friends in response to my posts
15. e-mails from friends I haven't heard from in a long while
16. an unexpected visit from a friend i haven't seen in long time
17. the chance to visit dad at Loyola
18. everyday Mass at NPC
19. lunch treat by a co-worker
20. the halloween show in NPC
21. kids' laughter and funny stories
22. work (as opposed to no work)
23. seeing nanay healthy
24. going home with friends
25. hearing from a mentor
26. my hilarious and forever "storytelling" boss and my cool co-workers
27. restful sleep
28. a good run
29. writing
30. conversations with Bro

more to come...

So what are your simple joys?

Chapel of the Lilies (SMC Chapel)

Ahhhhh….The SMC Chapel…a dwelling for worship; a tranquil place for prayer and meditation. And other bucketful of memories - first communion, holy masses, Sacrament of Penance, song practices, hours of prayers. We Stellans did all that in this chapel. And more actually… I remember dozing off here…sorry! Was I the only one? It was during those hours of prayers that we used to hold.

One time during those moments of silent prayers, I remember the teachers made us seat two people apart; so there were just three students seating per pew. We were too far apart for anyone to poke me or slap me in case you-know-what. Since I knew my tendency to nap (I wasn’t called MADI for nothing - Madi as in madikit-lang-ang-likod-tulog-na) I devised a strategy that would either keep me awake or keep the teacher from noticing me if I dozed off. I held my head real high and tight, almost tilting to the back while we said our prayers. I thought this would keep my head from falling forward in case I did fall asleep. It worked! My head didn’t fall forward as I dozed off. Instead, as I opened my eyes, I found myself looking up at the ceiling and a clean chandelier and asking myself how the nuns get to clean them. Oh well…I’m counting on God’s mercy to cut me some slack during such times (I am, after all, called Madi).

blast from the past

What happens when a group of 40-something women who went to school and grew up together reunite and volt in? Chaos. Fun.Giggles. And, of course, a lot of reminiscing. All these take place when girls of any age get together for some kita-kits. And true enough, these had taken place (and more) during preparations for our high school grand alumni homecoming when the girls of SMC Batch ’85 mused over our many childhood (mis)adventures.

It was during these moments of reminiscing that I realized how much of my childhood I was starting to forget. So with all the powers of Aphrodite A that I could muster, I tried recalling tinee winee details from my childhood.

In school, I remember going after the flock of tutubis (dragonfly). The “keep off the grass” signs were ignored as we, grade school students, scampered and went after these poor creatures who had no idea little monsters would soon pluck them from their playing fields and make toys out of them.

Pinoy games enjoyed during lunch break were patintero, agawan base, pick-up sticks and jackstones – none of which I was good at.

I also recall going to the nearest sari-sari store to buy coke or colgate. As I recall, any carbonated drink was referred to as coke, toothpaste was commonly called colgate and refrigerators of whatever brand were called frigidaire. My callout to the tindera at the sari-sari store usually went like this:

Me: Pabili po! Pdeng colgate…yung Close-up

Or

Me: Pabiliiii! Pde po chiz curls? Yung chippy

Or

Me: Pde pong coke...Pepsi

Voltes V, Mazinger Z and Charlie's Angels shown every Friday, Wednesday and Sunday, respectively, were my favorite TV shows. Gulong ng Palad ran for several years and I identified with Flordeluna.

Nora Aunor was the Superstar then and was at the top of the showbiz game. Ate Luds (Inday Badiday) was then the Queen of Intrigues with her popular (i think the only) showbiz talk show See True where Alma Moreno was said to have been interviewed that went like this:

Ate Luds: Ness (Alma), what can you say about the violence na nangyayari ?

Alma: Ate Luds naman, piano nga hindi ako marunong, violins pa?

Personally though, I think Melanie Marquez takes the cake with her quotes:

"Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong bagong taon sa inyong lahat."

"Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same."

"I won't stoop down to my level." (yeah, me too!)

Today, the tutubis seem to have gone extinct and a playground with swings and bars inhabit the lawn where we used to run after and torture these poor flying creatures.

Kids now go "huh?" when agawan base or patintero is mentioned. They're now glued to their PSPs or Gameboys, thus making them socially inept (my opinion only).

Coke now is Coke and Pepsi is Pepsi but they now come in varieties such as Light or Zero (for Coke) or Max (for Pepsi) and sari-sari stores have gone sosyal and are now called variety stores.

Topping the cartoon charts are anime shows Gundam, Naruto, Pokemon while popular TV series are Glee (my favorite), the teleseryes and Korean telenovelas.

Kris Aquino is now the reigning Queen of Talk...Show. And now there's not just one star but there's the Megastar, the Star for All Seasons, the Diamond Star, the Falling Star (Kris Aquino again). I wonder...is there a Shooting Star?

And of course, the most famous quotable quote these days is no longer an Alma Moreno comeback or a Melanie Marquez one liner but ..."major, major!." (I still think Melanie Marquez tops 'em all)

So what are some of your childhood tidbits?

i love to sing!

I love to sing. Even as a child, I’d sing along with songs on the radio and on TV. Songs of my childhood were those by Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Britney Spears (yeah right!). However, much as I love music and singing, the feeling didn’t seem mutual.

My mom would often cringe as if in pain at my singing and she’d say a silent prayer begging God to get me in tune. Such feedback did little to dampen my pursuit of my passion and every now and then the whole neighborhood would be jolted with my own pitchy (a.k.a. flat) version of “The hills are alive with the sound of music…AAAHHH!”

Since there was no dissuading me, my mom decided I might as well take voice lessons. To classify my voice type if I was soprano, mezzo-soprano or alto, the voice coach asked me to sing while she played a few notes on the piano. I guess she could not classify my voice range because I ended up taking piano lessons.

Since that still did not stop me from singing (the term ‘singing’ may be questionable here) at the top of my voice, my mom continued begging God to either make me stop or to at least grant me relative pitch (I really had no idea what my mom was fussing about). So it came as a complete shock to my family that I was able to get in to the college Glee club AND the Liturgical Choir. Of course it helped that I was friends with the officers of these clubs (wink wink).

Although I studied piano for a number of years, I still didn’t play good enough to accompany any singing. So I bought a flute. I mean, I thought to myself “how hard can it be?” I had a chart. I can read notes. You just blow on one end, put your fingers in the holes and music will play, right? I don’t know what I was doing wrong but all I got from blowing on the hole was gas pain….no music.

When I was in the Singles for Christ, I was so inspired to use song as a form of prayer and I decided to put my piano skills into use. I thought I'd give a try the song “Shine, Jesus, Shine”. It was supposed to be a happy, danceable song. I tried playing the piano to accompany my singing, I sang like this: “Shiiiiiine Jeeeeesuus (pause to look at the keyboard and the song sheets) shiiiine! Fiiilll oooo (another pause)….oooour …heeeeearts wiith….”. It took me practically the whole day just to sing this one song! Gracious!

Then I saw a broken guitar in the house. It was cracked and was missing one string. Up to this day, nobody knows whose guitar it was or where it came from (weird!). With my dismal track record with musical instruments, I wasn’t so keen on learning to play this instrument. But I tried playing the broken, ugly-looking guitar anyway. And I learned….I actually learned!

Though I play often, I’m neither skilled nor accomplished at it. But it doesn’t matter because I realized that no matter how badly i sang or played music, when I sing to and for God, I feel Him smiling at me and saying, "your music sounds heavenly."

That's how it is with God. Like the guitar, I'm broken and tarnished and ugly (figuratively, of course, hehehe). But He only sees the beauty in me...in all of us...and loves us all - good or bad, sinner or saint, servant or non-believer - without question or reservation.

Isn't He just wonderful?

What a Homecoming

Picture this - 30 round tables, each set for 8, covered in white cloth and adorned with white flower arrangements; chairs covered up in shiny white silk wrapped with dainty ribbons, some in pink, others in silver and several in blue, the colors both for distinction and design. The small concrete stage at the left side of the area was used to set the buffet table. A stage at the front with a triple-layer backdrop was custom-built just for the occasion. Lights of various colors and hues danced and bounced on the stage and walls heralding a festive mood. Around 300 people - mostly women - gathered, talking non-stop, loud and animatedly with each other. One can just imagine the decibels humming and buzzing about. The excitement was almost tangible.

A transformation had taken place at the Stella Maris covered basketball court. The occasion: the SMC Grand Alumni Homecoming - the Silver Jubilee of Batch '85.

After the Holy Mass at the SMC Chapel (Chapel of Lilies) that marked the onset of the celebration, jubilarians, teachers, nuns and guests trooped towards the covered court that had undergone a make over. The stage was all set. The silver jubilarians gathered backstage to change into costumes, dab on some make-up and utter a short prayer before call time. Lights dimmed and everyone hushed. The lone spotlight centered on stage as the National Anthem and the SMC Alma Mater Hymn were sang by the SMC Glee Club.

Then, the party began! The Silver Jubilarians opened the show and swayed their booties to a medley of the 80's dance hits. The dance was one of the most applauded and cheered, if I may say so! The gels were fantastic (well, I may be bit biased here)! It had set the tone of fun and party-fever for the night.

Batches '60, '75 and '86 showed their stuff as well. They sang and danced to a medley of oldies and current pop hits.

One of the main draws of the evening was the tribute given to our grade school and high school teachers and mentors. The tribute took a long time in coming. It was a poignant moment as our batch, represented by the Falling Tears, gave fond and sometimes funny recollections of how our teachers taught and touched us. The tribute was highlighted by a prayer said by the FTs and The Prayer (with Tagalog verses) sang by Anthony Castelo. Everybody was moved to tears by the tribute.

To steer the celebration back to its party mood, Anthony Castelo (I don't know why it feels weird to call him just Anthony) sang Sumayaw Sumunod. The teachers, even the nuns, couldn't help but leave their usual demure selves and danced to the tune! Anthony (there, I said it) partnered with Direk Karen who brought the house down! Karen danced gracefully and was at the same time "nagwawala" (hmmm...seems to be a contradiction in terms)! Everybody was up and dancing and was just plain having fun! (see all those exclamation points?)

The much-anticipated (by the performers) finale was an OPM medley of 80's hits followed by an original Tagalog song, "Stellang Pinakamamahal", with lyrics by Mercy and melody and arrangements by the Nonong Pedero. The jubilarians were vibrant as they wore their colorful shirts topped with a silver poncho elegantly designed and made by Emelyn. Everybody simply enjoyed their performances and was great at it.

Although the original song had a light and catchy tune to it, the gels of Batch '85 (and I'm pretty sure the other alumni as well as the teachers) were nonetheless moved by its lyrics. It so captured the deep well of emotions of Stellans coming home to our "pugad" and "pangalawang tahanan"; of the fun and fond memories of "madres" and "titsers" and "barkada"; of lessons of love and loyalty.

When the Stellans of Batch ’85 left SMC, each traveled far and wide, looking for her own destiny, her own place under the sun. There were those who kept touch and never really left Stella’s side. Some (like me) took time - 25 years in fact - in coming back home to her Stellan family. Others, although on the other side of the world, reconnected and also shared in the fun via the modern–day technology (thank God for Facebook and Yahoogroups). Sadly though, a few also chose to stay away.

Patricia Evangelista wrote, “Leaving sometimes isn’t a matter of choice. It’s coming back that is.”

I have recognized this…and I have also recognized that I am a Stellan. And once a Stellan, always a Stellan – there’s no denying that! I left Stella in ‘85… I had no choice. But I’ve come back to the home that had helped shape and mold me. Coming back was my choice…and what a wonderful choice it has been.