TRUST

Hi prenships! (you have to forgive me this long e-mail…I just lost my dog!)

I think I have a few of God’s lessons in life figured out. I don’t know about you, but It’s living them out that I seem to have a pretty difficult time doing. I’m fairly certain that quite a number of teachers in my life – my family, the nuns and teachers in my Catholic schools, the homilies, the teachings in Singles for Christ – had, in one version or another, taught the message that “we are exactly where we should be”. But, as I mentioned in a previous e-mail, it was only recently when I received that gift of an email that I truly appreciated the concept. It was then that it finally dawned on me that each and every…

trial
interruption
missed opportunity
delay
tear
pain
pleasure
friendship
email
family
death
birth
sunrise
sunset
triumph
defeat
hello
farewell
heat of the sun
drop of rain

…is a blessing from God. I guess it was only recently that I was ready to heed that lesson. But like all lessons, we have to take steps for the lesson to be fully learned. And like all lessons such as our ABCs and Do Re Mis, we have to do every song and dance over and over and over until we’ve fully mastered them.

I thought I had embraced and built my life around the notion that I am exactly where God has put me. When I first appreciated and embraced this new attitude, nothing…no problem, no long line in counter, no rude driver on the road, no heavy traffic, no amount of workload, no disappointment….was too big for me to handle. I thanked God at every opportunity and went to hear mass almost everyday in celebration of the gifts of every single day.

But embracing the lesson and actually living it out are entirely different things. It’s when we’re faced with real difficulties that our resolve is challenged. Of late, many things in my life seem to be going awry and out of control. It’s getting more and more difficult to find something to smile about and be grateful for when things are not going right. Work keeps piling up and I keep missing deadlines; repairs in the house and in my car and in my health and personal life are becoming too much to handle; and tonight, I just lost my dog! I’m getting overwhelmed and frustrated and impatient and worried and I’m wondering “what next?”. So while in prayer, I asked God why these things were happening to me. It wasn’t an accusing why-are-You-doing-this-to-me kind of question. True, I was screaming in my head but it was more like what-are-You-teaching-me-here kind of question. And the answer was instantaneous and loud…TRUST.

It was then I realized that I cannot fully embrace and appreciate where I am…that I am exactly where I should be… without totally trusting Him. My frustration and impatience and worry say that I have not entrusted to Him…

my love life (or lack of it)
every wound and pain in my life
every corner and nook and rusted nail and pest and hole and busted pipe
in the house
my car
my dog
my work
my finances
my health
my family
my loss
my entire life.

I should have realized and believed that it is when I am last, least and lost that He is carrying me. I should have called to mind who carried me during the worst days of my life - mom’s declining health, her death and the days after.

Yes, I know more problems would still come my way. Yes, i would experience heartaches. Yes, I may have to face financial difficulties. But I also know and trust that…

I am not alone
He is in control

“God will make a way when there seems to be no way”

He has placed me in this path
He gave me you, my friend
my dreams are on their way to fulfillment
He loves me

I am exactly where I should be.
I trust that you are too.

Smile! I am… in spite of myself .