snapshots of faith (conquering fear part 1)

I'm afraid to fly, and I don't know why. I'm jealous of the people who are not afraid to die. It's just that I recall, back when I was small. Someone promised that they'd catch me but then they'd let me fall...

Oh wait, those are lines from a song (aaaadmit it...you were singin'...at nabitin ka!)

The lyrics seem to be the very words I've held onto except it's not flying I'm afraid of, it's the water, particularly big bodies of water like the ocean or a long flowing river simply because they're predictably unpredictable. And like the song, I recall those many times when I tried to learn how to swim. I could feel my heart jump to 200 beats per second (OA!) and I'd go into a state of frantic. And as I panic, I go down and pull down everything and everyone around me. My swimming "teachers" (including my dad) all but gave up on me. I gave up on me.

But I've been on a mission - to meet my fears head on!

So, as my girlfriends, Mela and Kristy, and I packed our stuff (including a fuchsia umbrella) and flew to Cagayan de Oro, I felt my heart pound every time I thought of the white water rafting adventure we'd scheduled. Ziplining, spelunking (with some minor planking) and walking on hanging bridges merely distracted me from my fears. It did not help that Kristy kept recalling the time she went rafting and their boat capsized not once, not twice but THREE...yes, THREE times!

My friends were considerate of my fears and had ourselves booked to take the beginner's course. But I knew they were itching to take the advanced rafting course which involves some large waves (21 in all), rocks, considerable drop and sharp maneuvers. And would take roughly four to five hours to complete.

I took another step to meeting my fears - I agreed to take the advanced whitewater experience.

As the cute raft guide gave out tips and instructions on what to do in case we fell overboard, I could not hear, much less understand him. I got stuck at “overboard” as my heart pounded in my ears.

I hang back as Mela and Kristy boarded our raft. I kept thinking, “Four hours in the water? Rough waters? Will there be a way to stop or go back in case…?”

Then I heard a distinct whisper. Loud and clear. “Trust your equipment.”

So in I went on our raft, sat on the sides and looked around for the “equipment”. With just a paddle in hand, I asked God, “What EQUIPMENT? WHAT EQUIPMEEEEENT?”

Before panic could set in, we were moving along and onto what I thought was our first rapid encounter, only to be told that the waves were not counted and were merely called JJ waves…JJ as in “joke joke” waves. These waves were just joke joke? To me they were MM waves already…MM as in major major!

As we rode the waves, paddled forward and backward, got splashed on and fell on our rafts (not overboard, thank God!), and embraced the raft guide (at least Kristy did) for balance, I finally knew what “equipment” God whispered to me about. It was my faith…I was equipped with faith enough to take steps to conquer my fears. I was equipped with His fatherly love and the knowledge that He will take care of me, of us. I was equipped with trust that I am exactly where I am meant to be…braving the rough waters and facing my fears. And I was equipped with friends who’d jump in with and for me.

A friend once asked what faith is. I could not explain it to her. Now, I can show her not with words but with snapshots of me trusting God, of me believing that He can and He did and will forever pull me through my “rough waters”.

children's quotes and thoughts

Kids (in general, not my kids- hehehe) are my stress relievers. They have a way of putting a smile on my face and sunshine on an otherwise gloomy day. Am sharing some of the funny quotes i've come across. Enjoy!

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Aldrien (age 7) and Alekk (age 9) witty quips

While trying to open Cebu Pacific's site for its promo fares:
Alekk : Let's go to Japan! Japan! Japan!
Daddy Armand: Taiwan. We don't need a visa coz we have US visas.
Mommy Lisa: Singapore?
Aldrien: Let's go to McDonalds!

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While mommy Lisa was explaining analogies to 9-year old Alekk (tidy is to neat as right is to correct...), 7-year old Aldrien proudly butts in: "Oh, we're doing something like that in school! We're doing cinnamons!" (Uhhhh... anak, I think you mean synonyms.)

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While reviewing for filipino exams:
Mommy Lisa: dalaga means a young lady who's not married.
Alekk : a virgin?
took me a while before i could reply: ummm... yes...sometimes....

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While doing math problems...
Mommy Lisa: What does mas mura mean?
Aldrien: Cheaper!
Me: Good! Now what does mas mahal mean?
Aldrien: Hmmm.... more loving? (then proceeds to hug me!)
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Aldrien & Roman numerals...
Lola: What's III?
Aldrien: Three!
Lola: VI?
Aldrien: Six!
Lola: XL?
Aldrien (after a short pause): Extra large?

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Children’s perspective –

On when should be your 1^st kiss

Pam 6 – when they’re rich

Kurt 7 – the law says you have be 18 so I wouldn’t want to mess with that

On People in love
Brad 8 – people love just stare at each other and let the food get cold…other people care more about the food

How can you tell if two people are married?
Derrick 9 - You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids

How will you make the marriage work?

Roger 6- Don’t forget the wife’s name, that will mess it up

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Classroom question and answer

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America.

Maria: Here it is

Teacher: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

Class: Maria

Mom: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor:

John: You told me to do it without using tables

Teacher: Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”

Glenn: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L

Teacher: No, that’s wrong.

Glenn: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

Donald: H I J K L M N O

Teacher: What are you talking about?

Donald: Yesterday you said it’s H to O

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I”

Millie: I is . . .

Teacher: No, Millie…always say, “I am…”

Millie: All right…”I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

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Kids' quotes

"Never trust a dog to watch your food." -Patrick, age 10

"Never tell your Mom her diet's not working." -Michael, age 14

"Stay away from prunes." -Randy, age 9

"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair." -Taylia, age 11

"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac." - Andrew, age 9

some more toddler moments

My two-year old niece, Isabel, can be a handful sometimes (well, ok, most of the time). She's just full of energy and makes full use of the skills and lessons learned at li'l gym. So it's a wonderful kind of exercise to be running around trying to match her energy and tumbling exercises.

But she can also be the sweetest girl there is.

One time while watching cartoons with her mom, she turns and looks at her mom, says, "You're the best mom there is!" and gives the tightest hug.

Awwww! Wouldn't that just melt your heart?

One other time, she was playing with her toy cellphone. As she was "dialing up", her mom, Miles, asked, "Who are you calling?"

Isabel answered, "Aunty Ninang"

Mommy Miles asked, "What are going to say to her?"

Isabel, with the cellphone cradled to her ear as if talking to someone on the other end, said, "Thank you gifts, Ninang!"

Awwww!

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Isabel is not just sweet, she's also very smart (no bias her hehehe).

During typhoon Pedring, their new house was not spared of the typhoon's cruel lashing as water seeped in through the second floor windows. As we were discussing the hundred and one ways to solve the leak, Isabel runs to the kitchen, opens a cabinet drawer and takes out an item from it. She rushes back to her mom and with outstretched arms she hands over the scotch tape and says, "Put tape!"

Oo nga naman!

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Me: What's your name?

Isabel (she used to say, "Baby"): Isabel

Me: When is your birthday?

Isabel: Sesember (December) 10

Me: How old are you?

Isabel (in a loud animated proud voice): TWO!

Me: How are you, Isabel?

Isabel (in a loud animated proud voice): THREE!


Ayos!

"enemies"

I love my "enemies"! Truly! Ask me why (admit it, you did say "why?", didn't you? hehehe).

Because they bring me to my knees to pray....Ok, not necessarily on my knees but they certainly make me call on to my God.

Take for instance this girl i know in the office. Let's call her by her real name, "N". She is someone I had an instant dislike to (and I think the feeling is mutual). I've known her for many many years and when I see her, my teeth go into a grind, my insides twist in a knot and I feel a migraine come on - all at the same time! Then I breathe a prayer, "Oh, dear Lord!"

I don’t like who I become when I see her so I try to get out of her way. But the thing is I have to deal with her on occasion. My boss, who likes to torment and tease me, would deliberately seek me out to ask me to talk to "N" for even the most mundane of tasks such as ask for the schedule of a meeting…just so she (my boss) can annoy the living daylights out of me. And every single time I go to “N” or talk to her on the phone, I take a deep breath, close my eyes and whisper, “Oh Lord, please let her not be in the office.” ;-)

“N” is a cross…my cross. It may be light and a non-issue and irrelevant to you but a cross to me just the same.

Many times you and I are faced with our crosses - people who look or talk down on us, lie to us, reject our offer of friendship, discourage us, cheat us, betray our trust, or break our hearts. A hundred different sizes and shapes our “enemies” come. And try as we might to avoid our “enemies”, more often than not, God puts us right in front of them to challenge our resolve to “forgive those who trespass against us” and for us to bear our crosses.

Just recently, I thought I’d give God a gift from the heart. Something tangible. Something unusual of me. Something maybe even courageous. So I decided to “make peace” with “N”. As I made every argument against it, I found myself staring in the mirror and there I found the real “enemy” – myself.

“Making peace” with “N” was taking every effort out of me because I realized that the battle was not with her. The battle was with my pride. It took much out of me to even consider the possibility that I may be wrong about her. It took much out of me to consider that maybe she IS nice. After all, I have absolutely no idea the struggles she's been through or the life she’s had.

Sometimes the "enemy" isn't the other person...sometimes it's the one staring back in the mirror. Sometimes it's not the other person that needs changing...sometimes it’s my viewpoint, my attitude that needs the greatest changing.

Gripped with this new insight, I asked God for courage and humility. I grabbed the phone before I lost my nerve and called up “N” and thanked her for the help she has extended in the past. We made some more small talk as this unusual turn of events unfolded.

I love my “enemies”. Ask me why. Because my “enemies” have made me turn and run to God’s comforting and loving embrace. Because they're God's sculpting/art tools as He molds and etches and carves and hammers out and transforms the hardened me into His beautiful creation.

As I offered my gift to God, I felt a rush of peace and joy and forgiveness envelope me…and it was then I realized that my gift IS His blessing, His gift to me.

P.I. Kayo!!!

To all those who call me short, fat and dark, mga P.I. kayo!!!!

YES, you are mga P.I....as in Politically Incorrect (P.I.)!

Haven't you heard? People have come up with "substitute" terms in an attempt to minimize offense to social minorities like the short, the fat and the dark people. These terms are called "politically correct" terms.

I just love the terms they've come up with.

Take for instance the term "significant other". It's the politically correct term for a spouse, a lover, mistress or boyfriend/girlfriend. This is such a safe term to use. If you're out with any one of these "others" you won't have trouble introducing them around since you'll be just saying, "Meet my significant other". Cool!

So to the PIs, for your information, I should be described as vertically challenged (or short), a person of substance (a.k.a. fat) and melanine rich (meaning dark). Just so you know.

One time, I was having serious discussion about life with my cousin. In what I thought would be another start of a discussion on a deep and profound issue, she asked me, "Would you wear a wrist watch if you were born without arms?"

I answered, "Of course not."

She continued , "Would you wear shoes if you didn't have legs?"

"No," I replied, wondering where this was leading to.

And then I found out. She then asked, "Then why are you wearing brassieres? You're a bit flat chested!"

Thanks for the "bit" part cuz but just to be politically correct about this, "I'm a woman with padded illusions!"

bucket list

I have heard this often enough: "Life is short and we should not waste a moment of it." And I totally agree! Moved to act by the thought that "life is too short" and inspired by my 7-year old guru, Aldrien, to once again dream and believe that I can do and that I can be, I created my sort of "bucket list".

The term "bucket list" was derived from the expression "kick the bucket" which means "to die". A bucket list is a list of things you would want to do before you die. Although am so totally in love with the concept, the term may be a bit gruesome or morbid for me. So I named it "my someday list".

I thought I'd have difficulty coming up with a list of 50 things-to-do but as it is, "my someday list" is now over a hundred. I try not to limit myself to the list and have opened myself to new possibilities as they come along. Doing the list has made me realize the astounding wealth of experiences to be had.

I've classified it into -

1. Travel - I listed local and "imported" destinations I would like to visit or revisit

2. Books/ movies / broadway/ plays - classical reads like Jane Austen books and cinematic classics such as Wuthering Heights and Gone with the Wind and broadway hits like Mama Mia, Les Miserables, Nunsense (my favorite)

3. Sports/adventures - I'd like to learn boxing, swimming, parasailing, white water rafting (is that even a sport?)

4. New learnings - culinary lessons, education courses/subjects

5. Job -try out something new in a totally different field

6. Passion - rekindle my passion for the arts including the art of kakerengkengan

7. Nourishment of the soul - continue with my Appreciation and Gratitude Journey, volunteer at a hospice/orphanage, do acts of kindness EVERYDAY

8. Health - conquer fear and undergo acupuncture (for migraine)

9. Personal - this is a long list of stuff to do like throw a mega party, go on a road trip without any itinerary planned, win the lotto (so I can do all this stuff hehehe. Is this even a goal? more like wishful thinking)

I reviewed and rethought and revised my list and it was only after I've gone over it for the 35th time that the irony of it hit me - the one thing that everybody else wishes for me and is pushing me to do is the one thing lacking in my list...finding Mr. Right! So what does this say about me?

I remember this shirt that my bffee gifted me. We saw it on display in one of the stalls in Greenhills Shopping Center. The moment we saw it, we both thought it perfect for me. The shirt says: "Tired of meeting Mr. Wrong." Well, let me say this - I'm also tired of looking for Mr. Right. From now on, he can go look for me. (Taray?)

Meantime, I'm going to enjoy doing "My Someday" list ;-). It's fun! Try it!