alone

It’s Monday, 3 A.M. I received a text message from my sister, Emily, that she is finally rushed to Makati Med for D&C (dilatation & curetage or raspa) procedure. We’ve been anxiously waiting for her “profuse bleeding” ever since we learned of her miscarriage last Friday. Instead of inducing bleeding, her doctor had decided to let nature takes its own course. And I haven’t had sleep since Friday.

The loss of life at whatever stage is sad, more so for a small family like mine. And the mere thought that my sister has to go through some kind of medical procedure makes my heart pound.

I tell myself that thousands of women, if not millions, have undergone D&C procedure...that it's a simple procedure. But i can't help worrying. Emily is the only family i have left. Anything that threatens to tip the balance of our simple lives, anything that places her life at risk puts me in panic mode.

I curled up in bed seeking comfort and found none. I got up and paced the floor and walked around the house and no one was about. I even tried checking if a friend was up for a chat on the internet ...anything and anybody just to keep my mind off this worry.

It is at times like these that being alone is at its most difficult - when a hand to hold would have been most comforting; when a listening ear would have given me calm; when the sound of constant chattering would have been a most welcome distraction; when the presence of someone dear would have quieted my pounding heart.

I had set out to pray but it proved difficult. I had questions more than I had answers. I know that I should just trust in Him and believe that He's in control...that He has great plans for us. But I am afraid still. And I feel my faith waver.

Then a scene flashed before me - a scene where this man was mocked and hit and crucified. He was alone.

He, of all people, understands what being alone is all about. And He, of all people, sympathizes. He knows.

He will get me through this...He will get us through anything. I pray for strength, for faith...I pray for Emily and her family. And I ask for your prayers as well. The ordeal is not yet over even after a successful procedure. The questions will have just begun.