My First Time (conquering fear part 3)

This year I've been on a mission. It has been about conquering...conquering my fears, my inhibitions, my hang-ups. So . . .

His name was Francis and we hadn't known each other long. But I trusted him. We had mutual friends and I've only been hearing good things about him. So armed with this new "Why not!" attitude I've recently adapted, I told myself, "Yeah! Why indeed not!?!" and agreed to meet up with him.

As I entered the 24th floor room overlooking the vast expanse of Ortigas, I hardly noticed the view nor the furniture as I moved around, restless, uneasy, not knowing really what to expect or how things would begin. We made small talk about little mundane things of everyday life. He held my hand while we talked, feeling, holding, touching. Then he went to another room to get his "stuff". As soon as he got back, I was made to lie down.

More restless and uneasy than ever, I sat for long moments making more small talk, stretching time. Then it WAS time. I lay down on my back. He started feeling his way up - my legs, my arms... My hair ruffled in his hands. This went on for what seemed like hours but what could actually be only short minutes.

Then it happened. I felt first some poking before the first thrust of it. I held my breath. I had too. I closed my eyes for mere seconds. He asked me how I was feeling. I couldn't really explain . . . I felt a bit of pricking pain, fleeting pain. Then some numbness and yet there was some sensation to it. And, of course, the heaviness of it. There seemed to be an electrifying feeling to it and I asked, "Should this be how I should be feeling?"

He looked down at me, and with a hint of a knowing smile, said, “Yeah”.

“There’s tension in your muscles. Relax!” he further said.

So I did. And it did feel better, easier, more comfortable. The soreness was still there but it slowly abated as I succumbed to the sensation.

This went on for what felt like eternity but as I took a glance at the nearby clock, I couldn't believe that it had gone on for only a fraction of an hour. And then, like all things, what has begun, must end. All too soon, it seemed.

I lay down for some more moments, taking in everything that had happened.

As I sat up and fixed my clothes, we talked for awhile and agreed to meet again. I don't know...

As I went down that tower of a building, I felt light and I couldn't help but smile and think, "So that's what an acupuncture session is all about! Wow! I survived. I guess there was nothing to be scared of in the first place. Yeah. . . maybe I WILL come back for more after all!"