"enemies"

I love my "enemies"! Truly! Ask me why (admit it, you did say "why?", didn't you? hehehe).

Because they bring me to my knees to pray....Ok, not necessarily on my knees but they certainly make me call on to my God.

Take for instance this girl i know in the office. Let's call her by her real name, "N". She is someone I had an instant dislike to (and I think the feeling is mutual). I've known her for many many years and when I see her, my teeth go into a grind, my insides twist in a knot and I feel a migraine come on - all at the same time! Then I breathe a prayer, "Oh, dear Lord!"

I don’t like who I become when I see her so I try to get out of her way. But the thing is I have to deal with her on occasion. My boss, who likes to torment and tease me, would deliberately seek me out to ask me to talk to "N" for even the most mundane of tasks such as ask for the schedule of a meeting…just so she (my boss) can annoy the living daylights out of me. And every single time I go to “N” or talk to her on the phone, I take a deep breath, close my eyes and whisper, “Oh Lord, please let her not be in the office.” ;-)

“N” is a cross…my cross. It may be light and a non-issue and irrelevant to you but a cross to me just the same.

Many times you and I are faced with our crosses - people who look or talk down on us, lie to us, reject our offer of friendship, discourage us, cheat us, betray our trust, or break our hearts. A hundred different sizes and shapes our “enemies” come. And try as we might to avoid our “enemies”, more often than not, God puts us right in front of them to challenge our resolve to “forgive those who trespass against us” and for us to bear our crosses.

Just recently, I thought I’d give God a gift from the heart. Something tangible. Something unusual of me. Something maybe even courageous. So I decided to “make peace” with “N”. As I made every argument against it, I found myself staring in the mirror and there I found the real “enemy” – myself.

“Making peace” with “N” was taking every effort out of me because I realized that the battle was not with her. The battle was with my pride. It took much out of me to even consider the possibility that I may be wrong about her. It took much out of me to consider that maybe she IS nice. After all, I have absolutely no idea the struggles she's been through or the life she’s had.

Sometimes the "enemy" isn't the other person...sometimes it's the one staring back in the mirror. Sometimes it's not the other person that needs changing...sometimes it’s my viewpoint, my attitude that needs the greatest changing.

Gripped with this new insight, I asked God for courage and humility. I grabbed the phone before I lost my nerve and called up “N” and thanked her for the help she has extended in the past. We made some more small talk as this unusual turn of events unfolded.

I love my “enemies”. Ask me why. Because my “enemies” have made me turn and run to God’s comforting and loving embrace. Because they're God's sculpting/art tools as He molds and etches and carves and hammers out and transforms the hardened me into His beautiful creation.

As I offered my gift to God, I felt a rush of peace and joy and forgiveness envelope me…and it was then I realized that my gift IS His blessing, His gift to me.

P.I. Kayo!!!

To all those who call me short, fat and dark, mga P.I. kayo!!!!

YES, you are mga P.I....as in Politically Incorrect (P.I.)!

Haven't you heard? People have come up with "substitute" terms in an attempt to minimize offense to social minorities like the short, the fat and the dark people. These terms are called "politically correct" terms.

I just love the terms they've come up with.

Take for instance the term "significant other". It's the politically correct term for a spouse, a lover, mistress or boyfriend/girlfriend. This is such a safe term to use. If you're out with any one of these "others" you won't have trouble introducing them around since you'll be just saying, "Meet my significant other". Cool!

So to the PIs, for your information, I should be described as vertically challenged (or short), a person of substance (a.k.a. fat) and melanine rich (meaning dark). Just so you know.

One time, I was having serious discussion about life with my cousin. In what I thought would be another start of a discussion on a deep and profound issue, she asked me, "Would you wear a wrist watch if you were born without arms?"

I answered, "Of course not."

She continued , "Would you wear shoes if you didn't have legs?"

"No," I replied, wondering where this was leading to.

And then I found out. She then asked, "Then why are you wearing brassieres? You're a bit flat chested!"

Thanks for the "bit" part cuz but just to be politically correct about this, "I'm a woman with padded illusions!"

bucket list

I have heard this often enough: "Life is short and we should not waste a moment of it." And I totally agree! Moved to act by the thought that "life is too short" and inspired by my 7-year old guru, Aldrien, to once again dream and believe that I can do and that I can be, I created my sort of "bucket list".

The term "bucket list" was derived from the expression "kick the bucket" which means "to die". A bucket list is a list of things you would want to do before you die. Although am so totally in love with the concept, the term may be a bit gruesome or morbid for me. So I named it "my someday list".

I thought I'd have difficulty coming up with a list of 50 things-to-do but as it is, "my someday list" is now over a hundred. I try not to limit myself to the list and have opened myself to new possibilities as they come along. Doing the list has made me realize the astounding wealth of experiences to be had.

I've classified it into -

1. Travel - I listed local and "imported" destinations I would like to visit or revisit

2. Books/ movies / broadway/ plays - classical reads like Jane Austen books and cinematic classics such as Wuthering Heights and Gone with the Wind and broadway hits like Mama Mia, Les Miserables, Nunsense (my favorite)

3. Sports/adventures - I'd like to learn boxing, swimming, parasailing, white water rafting (is that even a sport?)

4. New learnings - culinary lessons, education courses/subjects

5. Job -try out something new in a totally different field

6. Passion - rekindle my passion for the arts including the art of kakerengkengan

7. Nourishment of the soul - continue with my Appreciation and Gratitude Journey, volunteer at a hospice/orphanage, do acts of kindness EVERYDAY

8. Health - conquer fear and undergo acupuncture (for migraine)

9. Personal - this is a long list of stuff to do like throw a mega party, go on a road trip without any itinerary planned, win the lotto (so I can do all this stuff hehehe. Is this even a goal? more like wishful thinking)

I reviewed and rethought and revised my list and it was only after I've gone over it for the 35th time that the irony of it hit me - the one thing that everybody else wishes for me and is pushing me to do is the one thing lacking in my list...finding Mr. Right! So what does this say about me?

I remember this shirt that my bffee gifted me. We saw it on display in one of the stalls in Greenhills Shopping Center. The moment we saw it, we both thought it perfect for me. The shirt says: "Tired of meeting Mr. Wrong." Well, let me say this - I'm also tired of looking for Mr. Right. From now on, he can go look for me. (Taray?)

Meantime, I'm going to enjoy doing "My Someday" list ;-). It's fun! Try it!

gratitude

When I started my Simple Joys Journal, little did I know that it would bring me to a journey...my Gratitude Journey. This journey has made me notice and has filled me with fascination and thanksgiving for the simplest, littlest, and most commonplace of things like my hot coffee, these strong legs to carry me along that long walk from the parking lot or the MRT, that small serving of tuyo and kangkong, a good laugh, a migrain-free day, clothes-full closet, music, my dog, a 3-day sale ;)

(You may have noticed that family and friends are not among my list. Well, for me they’re never simple or little or commonplace. They’re the biggest of all my blessings)


No matter the weather, as soon as I wake up, even with my eyes still half closed, I summon up a smile and greet the day with a joyful "Good morning, God!" I thought it a good way to start the day with a festive note...actually, now, with festive musical notes - do,do,do,la,sol,sol - as my yaya sings "Good morning sa inyo!" to the tune of Nescafe's Sweet and Mild ad. It has been a house rule since many years back that as soon as we wake up, everybody in the house, including the yayas, greet every one else a loud and cheerful "Good morning!" But, lately, I've taken it one level up - I asked my yaya to sing her morning greeting. "Good morning sa inyo! Sweet and mild and kasama ko. Tamis ng umaga..." I tell you, waking up even in the early hours of the morning has never been this much fun!

The shower is a good place as any to continue thanking God for protection during the night, a restful sleep, a cool shower, a fresh breath of life, and a new day of sunshine...or rains.

I usually get in the office real early. With the lights still out, I relish the semi darkness of the room and the silence as I offer a thanksgiving for the work ahead of me, for the blessings yet to come, the people I would come across and the challenges awaiting to be faced.

One particular morning, as I stood by a window/glass door looking out in wonder and gratitude at God's creation, I thought of how I wished my mom was around so I could give her a bear hug and a loud thank you.

Then as I went back to my desk and logged on to the net, I came across this timely quote about how people in our lives come and go and how we should never miss the opportunity to tell them how they mean to us. So I did. Prodded to act by this message, I texted my sister "love you back" in response to the many, many "I love you's" she has said and sent out. And I sent text or e-mail messages to friends and family and mentors my thanks for being such great friends AND family AND mentors.

No one was more surprised by what I did than me. I have never been one to express what others may call "cheesy emo lines". So this was more than an act of gratitude...it was an act of courage as well. And friends knew that. My friend, Yang, even voiced out her concern. She texted: "Uy, nakakanerbyos naman message mo. Kita tayo!"

Awww! Wasn't that just sweet? Funny...but sweet.

No my prends, am not being ominous. This is me taking on a journey...a Gratitude Journey.


P.S. If you didn't receive a text or e-mail gratitude message, please forgive my oversight. If you're reading this, then you should have received it for you have made my life meaningful or fun and easy (or hard and challenging) and am grateful for your presence in my life. Thank you!

space flowers

My life mentor’s 7-year old son, Aldrien, describes stars as space flowers.
This totally struck me and blew me away. Not because it was poetic and beautiful, although it was. Not for its creativity and vision although it WAS creative and visionary.

What Aldrien said made me realize that I've come to stop looking at the world through a child's colorful lens.

It reminded me that in recent years, I have held myself at bay with the child in me. I have stopped playing. I have overlooked the beauty in simplicity. I have stopped dreaming. I have forgotten how to have fun. I have ceased to dance. I have stopped painting the world in abounding colors. I have stopped believing in fairy tales.

My friend, Roxanne, astutely pointed out that there's so much beauty and happiness around us...we just got older and busier to remember what simple but genuine appreciation truly means.

Older and busier, yes. Pain and loss and illness and suffering also taint and tint the lenses with which we see our world.

God has created so much beauty in and around us...and I've decided to see it once again through a child's colorful lens.

Armed with the perspective of a 7-year old has given me new meaning to the old and ordinary. As I stand under the scorching heat of the sun (which I used to frown on and run away from), I now smile at it as I bask at the loving warmth of God's love. As the breeze makes a mess of my hair, I welcome and see it as the gentle caress of my Father. The trees, with their outstretched arms, I see swaying in tune to heaven's music as they dance in praise of Yaweh, the Faithful One.

Through the colorful lens of a child, I am starting to see a new world and believe...that people can be honest. That a hug and a smile do comfort. That laughter IS medicine. That fairy tales do come true. That true love does exist. That there is healing in suffering. That I can grow up but not necessarily grow old. That there's so much more to be thankful for. That the bright light of the moon is a promise of a new and bright day to come.

God has gifted us with all these - we just got older and busier and overwhelmed with the complexities of this life to take notice and appreciate.

When life is becoming busy, when the world seems to be spinning too fast and is becoming overly complicated, I stop. And look up at my space flowers and smile and remind myself of the beauty in and around us.

post-something

I read somewhere that there are three signs of aging: the first is your loss of memory; then, I ahhh, I forget the other two.

This may be true because I remember this happening awhile back (see, I'm far from aging - I still remember some things).

A few weeks after giving birth to my niece, Isabel, my sister, Miles, was all weepy and so sensitive to the little quirks in her life. The littlest thing would get her upset or set her off crying.

So one time I went over to their house for a visit, I found her slumped on the bed, head bowed, her face tear-stained. I went over and sat beside her, put my arm around her and in my I-studied-Psychology-I-know-this-kind-of-stuff voice I said, "You're going through what's called postmortem depression."

Her sniffling immediately came to a stop. She looked up and gave me what seemed to be a look of wonder and I thought to myself, "Wow! I got her to stop feeling sad. I AM good!"

But what she said brought me down to earth with a thud, "Ate naman e! Pinatay mo na ko. Postpartum depression noh....hindi postmortem. Ano yun, autoposy?"

I guess that's why friends have stopped coming to me for advice - I keep "killing" them.

Was it even my memory that I lost here? Or was it my senses? Oh well...

Ano nga pangalan mo?

What's in a name?

I’m single…BY CHOICE!

But that’s simply because I have no other choice. Given a variety of other choices, and what with all the multitude of people (even strangers) trying to marry me off, I should probably NOT be single now. As it is, I’m not only single but I’ve also remained virtually …ahhh ….“innocent”. Now this I put blame on my namesakes – Mary and Claire.

Yes, my full given name is Mary Ann Claire. And the few privileged who know this call me Claire when they want to pick a fight with me or if they want to annoy the hell out of me.

My mom and dad were not just hard core Catholics, they were super mega-to-the max hard core Catholics AND Mother Mary devotees. So when I came along, it was no surprise when they named me after the Virgin Mary and St. Ann. But why they had to name me after St. Clare would forever remain a rosary to me (you know, a rosary is full of mystery…ngyeee!).

St. Clare is known as the Foundress of the Order of the Poor Clares. She is also described as Virgin. Ahhhh. No wonder I'm...poor.

Don't get me wrong. I love and admire what my namesakes stood and lived for. It's living up to their exemplary lives that is difficult. But insofar as their "innocence" goes, I guess I've lived up to it...so far.

With these two namesakes, I should probably be called by a different name - “Virgin-ia” or “Virgie”. But, ex-cuuuuse me, I’d rather be called “Venus” (Greek goddess of love). Hey, they all start with “V”….even virgin. So maybe I can also be called "V".

So what’s in a name? A lot, I say! Call me, "Claire" if you want to pick a fight. Or call me "V"...for whatever it may stand for. Or call me by my real name, "Maan". Or call me "Manang" if you want me to unfriend you.

Chao,

"V"