on crushes and first loves

Ahhhh! All these talks about high school crushes and first loves rekindled memories of my own “first love” while in high school.

It was the summer before my senior year when we first met - the time when “Telephone” by Sheena Easton and Spandau Ballet’s “Gold” were staple dance songs at parties and Bonnie Tyler’s "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was a constant at radio stations all over. He was a freshman in college and had just come out of the seminary to try out the “world” when I met him. His name was Alfred.

He was tall and lanky and wore eyeglasses that reminded me of Clark Kent. He was sweet and gentle and was quite a looker. We were pushed together at every opportunity by common friends and soon, I gave him my sweet “yes” (in Tagalog, “ang matamis kong ‘OO’”- Yehee!). I come from a conservative family and my mom and dad never knew him as a boyfriend (I think!).

We’d go out to parties or just hang out with friends. We did nothing major major. We were together for about 10 months when I started thinking of breaking up with him. The thrill had gone for me and I loved him dearly but more as a barkada than anything else. It was time to move on.

Just when I had practiced what I would say to him, he got seriously ill and was hospitalized for weeks. He never recovered. I was a young “byuda” at the tender age of 16. It was sad!

Since I was wracked with guilt over my “break-up” plan, I was scared to death that he would "visit" me from the other side. So for the whole summer after graduation (his funeral was on the day of my HS graduation - how dramatic can it get!), I slept in my parent's bedroom.

For the 2 months that I slept in my parents' bedroom, I woke up in the middle of the night to the rattling sound of the garden set chairs. It was on that set where Alfred and I used to hang out and talk. It was noisy! It was loud! It was distinct! But I will never understand how it is that I was the only one who woke up to that racket. It gave me palpitations and scared the life out of me!

One sunny Sunday afternoon, I was all alone in the house when I once again heard that rattling sound of metal chairs. I was again besieged with fear and panic. I found it difficult to breathe. Since the sun was out and I was pretty sure the neighbors would come to my rescue if I let out a bloodcurdling scream, I made one brave step after another towards the door to look out, expecting a tall, lanky guy sitting by his usual chair. Instead, I found our big dog under a metal chair scratching her ears with such gusto that her body knocked around the chairs and made those blasted rattling sound!

That night, I packed up my stuff from my parents’ bedroom and slept in my own bed like a log!

That bitch! (means female dog - what were you thinking?!?)