MRT Ride

I took the MRT going to Makati to visit my sister who was confined at the Makati Med for her D&C procedure. Even at the middle of the day, the train was packed. Luck was with me, however, as I was able to get a seat without a problem even as all the riders scrambled to find their seats.

In the next stop, an elderly lady got in and was standing a few feet from where i was seated. I looked at the passengers in front of her but they seemed oblivious to (more like ignoring) her presence.

I was tired. I haven't had a decent sleep in 3 days. I was feeling down. I felt weak and dejected. The list of excuses for me not to give up my seat to her went on.

Then, like in many of my silent conversations with God, I heard a hint of a whisper, "I understand exactly how you feel. I was also tired once. I was wounded. My limbs were almost without strength. Life was beaten out of me. Yet I stood up and gave up not just my seat or place for you but my life."

As I offered the elderly lady my seat, I asked God to forgive me for the many many times when I felt that my wounds, my hurts, my struggles are far deeper than His wounds or greater than His love and mercy.

alone

It’s Monday, 3 A.M. I received a text message from my sister, Emily, that she is finally rushed to Makati Med for D&C (dilatation & curetage or raspa) procedure. We’ve been anxiously waiting for her “profuse bleeding” ever since we learned of her miscarriage last Friday. Instead of inducing bleeding, her doctor had decided to let nature takes its own course. And I haven’t had sleep since Friday.

The loss of life at whatever stage is sad, more so for a small family like mine. And the mere thought that my sister has to go through some kind of medical procedure makes my heart pound.

I tell myself that thousands of women, if not millions, have undergone D&C procedure...that it's a simple procedure. But i can't help worrying. Emily is the only family i have left. Anything that threatens to tip the balance of our simple lives, anything that places her life at risk puts me in panic mode.

I curled up in bed seeking comfort and found none. I got up and paced the floor and walked around the house and no one was about. I even tried checking if a friend was up for a chat on the internet ...anything and anybody just to keep my mind off this worry.

It is at times like these that being alone is at its most difficult - when a hand to hold would have been most comforting; when a listening ear would have given me calm; when the sound of constant chattering would have been a most welcome distraction; when the presence of someone dear would have quieted my pounding heart.

I had set out to pray but it proved difficult. I had questions more than I had answers. I know that I should just trust in Him and believe that He's in control...that He has great plans for us. But I am afraid still. And I feel my faith waver.

Then a scene flashed before me - a scene where this man was mocked and hit and crucified. He was alone.

He, of all people, understands what being alone is all about. And He, of all people, sympathizes. He knows.

He will get me through this...He will get us through anything. I pray for strength, for faith...I pray for Emily and her family. And I ask for your prayers as well. The ordeal is not yet over even after a successful procedure. The questions will have just begun.

i need "S" in my life...i need it now!

A Body Age Test was being offered in the NPC premises wherein a device would be attached to your ear-clip or on a finger while taking deep breathes. The Test evaluates the overall health condition of one’s body and the body's aging speed vis-à-vis one’s calendar age.

Results of my Test showed that my body is aging faster than it should - my body age has accelerated by 4 years relative to my calendar age. I was told to take a healthier lifestyle in order to reverse the aging speed of my body.

I exercise regularly. I try to eat my daily dose of fruits and vegetables and grains and protein. So what else do I need to do?

As more employees took the test, the office was abuzz with talks on the results of their Body Tests. Some protested with disbelief; some were indignant; many placed blame on their work for the stress they’re in; a number expressed concern and worry.

There were also a number of women I chatted with who seemed to have the answer to reversing the aging speed. They were giggly and secretive about it. I had to use my powers of persuasion for them to share this seemingly effective secret to better health. Hints were dropped here and there until it finally dawned on me that what I needed was a good dose of “S” in my life.

I’ve never had “S” in my life. I’ve never tried it but those who had said it was good…and good for the health! I was advised to give it a try especially as I’m not getting any younger. I’ve also asked the opinion of my male friends in the office and they were literally pushing me to give it a try. I was told it’s an acquired taste - it might take me a bit of getting used to before I would actually get to like it since I’m not used to “S”.

Their persuasive powers were as good as mine. So now I’ve decided to give it a try real soon…maybe this week would be soon enough. I will give “S” a shot and see how it fares. I will finally get my dose of “S”…“S” as in Sustagen Premium (whatever did you think it was?)

Awwww!

I had planned on spending my weekend at my sister’s at Valle Verde to play with my niece, Isabel. I was also scheduled to meet with friends for some tete-a-tete. But life happened and I was confined at home, in bed, sick, alone and bored. Boredom can be a dangerous state to be in. It brings into surface nasty thoughts. So for a full two minutes of that weekend, I gave in to boredom and some form of “pag-iinarte” as I lamented at how alone I was or how no one was fussing over me or that nobody cared enough to find out if I was dying – I mean I was coughing pretty heavily! (dying from coughs?) After that two minutes I told myself, “Arte mo!” And that stopped me dead. Well…not dead obviously but…oh you know what I mean.

I entertained myself by catching up on my reading. I’m quite a reader and I have an eclectic collection of books – inspirational, spy/suspense, detective, drama (is there such a thing?), chic novels and of course, romance. I decided on historical romance.

Towards the end of the novel, the Viscount was declaring his love for this Lady. His line went like this: “Please come with me…You don’t have to love me back. You don’t have to be mine. Just let me be yours.”

Awwww! Ang CHEEEEEZYYY!!! But truth be told, I want those words directed at me! I want that for me! I want cheezy! Maybe not those exact words (I don’t think there are cheezy men left in this world!), but something along that line! Is that too much to ask?

Then I looked up from my reading and it hit me....I already have that in my life! I have someone who loves me unconditionally and is always by my side no matter how badly I’ve turned out. He waits for me day and night (all day actually) for a conversation. He listens to my every need and has my best interest at heart. Even if I hurt or disappoint Him, even if I turn away from Him, He just keeps on loving me. In fact, He carried my cross and gave up His life for me…for all of us.

This thought did not just give me pause, it made my heart smile…. I have cheezy!

questions, questions, questions,

I had a conversation with myself last night (pathetic!). I found myself answering these random questions I read on another blog. Felt like I was back in grade school answering those autograph books (is that what they’re called?).

1. Where did you take your profile pic? - Hawaii

2. Your favorite shoes – Naturalizer(s) & Banana Rep (on equal footing...get it? Shoes? Footing?)

3. Chocolate or sex? - Mmmmm… is this a trick question?

4. Name someone with the same birthday as you - Lani & IZ

5. Ever sang in front of a large audience? – Yes (my 15 minutes of fame). I froze actually

6. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? - Yes (guess who they say I look like)

7. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? – Oh yes!

8. First thing you see in a man: shoes

9. Do you believe in love? – Absolutely. Without a doubt. No question about it…need I say more?

10. Do you believe in God? – Not only do I believe in Him but He is my life!

11 . Any mental health issues? - I’m sure my family would undoubtedly say “YES!”

12. Who was the last person you hugged? – Erica, sweet baby!

13. Favorite person in the world - Isabel, my angel!

14. Finish This Sentence:
a. My ex...was totally crazy about me (dream on!)

b. People would say that I am... Funny… or maybe funny looking (more likely)

c. I'm totally terrified of... losing what little family I have left and my friends

d. When I wake up in the morning... I hit the snooze button (several times)

e. Maybe... this time I’ll be lucky; maybe this time, he’ll stay; maybe this time, for the first time, love won’t hurry away

15. What are you thinking right now? - Am wondering (for the nth time) why I’m doing this list. Made me realize I need to get a life!!! Help!

just u & me kid

instead of describing my experience in many of my prayer moments, i made a drawing of it. i actually just copied this piece which, when i saw it, blew me away because it reflected exactly how i felt during those times. the picture took the words right out of my mouth. if my drawing is too bad for you to decipher it (ouch!), it's about a girl in prayer with Bro tenderly kissing her head. during some of my prayer times when i feel so alone, i feel Bro holding me protectively and saying "I'm here...it's Me and you, kid"


p.s. the drawing is still a work in progress. i was just excited to share it with you

baby talk

My boss brought to the office her younger son, (almost) 3-year old Santoy. We had a delightful series of conversations that went like this:

Me: San ka punta? (He was to stay at the office day care for the day)
Santoy: (at least this was how I heard him say it) Hachua chi chucher (translation: dun sa teacher)
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Me (pointing at random letters for him to identify): What’s this? (pointing Y, L, and U)
Santoy: Y; L; U (applause, applause, applause)
Me (Pointing to “J”): What’s this letter?
Santoy: Labi! Labi!

I looked at her mom questioningly and she translated: J is for “labi” - meaning Jollibee. (Now why didn’t I get that?) And of course “M” is for… guess what? – “ado” (McDo).
*************
Santoy has visited the office several times in the past and he knows us by face and some of us by name. Her mom had told him to call Atty. Chay as Tita Chay. So this time we asked him if he remembered her name. Of course he did and he called her: “Pi Chay” (This is already an improvement since he used to call her “Ki Kay”)

I was introduced as Ate Maan and Santoy said: Gogi (translation: Pogi! – I was flattered…I think)

This triggered us to ask Santoy: Are you a boy or a girl?
Santoy (with a naughty smile on his face): Chiklit! (translation: Secret!)
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He was holding a packet of goodies and I asked him what it was and he said: Tolek (translation: chocolate)
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I asked him to recite the ABCs
Santoy: A, B, C, D, E, EP, G, H, I, J, K, lemanamemanO, P, Q, R, S….

Conversations with him turned me into a heaving mass of a loud laughing machine! I can’t wait for him to visit the office again for another round of conversations. His presence sure brought sunshine to an otherwise gloomy and hectic day.

Children are such a delight to be with. You can’t help but smile and melt at their innocence. No wonder God wants us to be like children - pure of heart.