on dances and coffee table book

I’m doing this post while having my hair done at the salon. I badly needed to treat myself after a long and tiring weekend of practice for the SMC grand alumni homecoming celebration. Last Friday, the “dancers” for the program had a grueling non-stop seven(?)-hour practice. Some arrived as early as 10 am (wow!). Practice finished after 7 pm. After watching do our dance routines, our dance coach, Tin, was probably silently shouting, “MORE! MORE!... MORE PRACTICE!” We couldn’t seem to remember the steps to the 2-minute dances we’d have to perform! Senior moments galore!

After dancing the day away, there was more stuff to be done, however, I was told. The layout and selection of pictures for the coffee table book had to be completed ASAP. Since I was still pumped up and had reserve energy left (or so I thought), I did not hesitate to help out. But helping out was the last thing I did. While Atty. Kristy, Pia, Sairish, Weng and Mario were busily tinkering at the laptops or sorting some pics or going through lists or doing whatever for the homecoming, here were some of the things I did: ate jolly hotdog, stubbed my pinky toe (hurt like hell), bumped and bruised my leg against the bed post (hope I didn’t do damage to the bed post) and spilled water and ruined the rug and floor in Atty. Kristy’s bedroom where they worked.

It’s an understatement to say that I was no help. So after ruining the bedroom floor, I decided to stay glued to a corner lest I ruin anything else.

After 1 a.m., there were still work to be done… but home beckoned. So most of us packed up and left Atty. Kristy and Mario to do more work. I dropped off Weng, Sairish and Pia and headed home. As I was driving alone a little after 2:00 a.m., I felt useless and asked Bro why I was led to “help out” in the first place when I did little help, if at all. I could’ve been home resting or out having dinner. Why was I there? Then He said, “You brought them home.”

I felt shame after that. I was such a whiner. The officers of the committee have been at it tirelessly for months and they’re doing splendid work…and I don’t hear them complaining.

It was then reality hit me - we cannot all be movers and shakers of this world. There are also bit players to help move and shake. Every little bit of help counts a lot - coming to practices and meetings, being on time (a most definite plus), sharing our resources (a.k.a. money, cash, bread, datung, dough) and junk (also means cash) , give moral support (oh, I’ve got plenty of that to give), and yes, giving someone a lift…every little bit helps.

Much like in God’s little factory called earth - every one plays a role – big or small, a role just the same. And though I play a teenie-weenie role in His Kingdom, I'd like to do my teenie-weenie bit to help.

Lord, may I do my role, no matter how small, with a smile. Thank You for this role! And thank You for the "big" role players, especially those who play "big" in my life - my leaders, my mentors, my teachers. Bless them always!

oh so embarrasing!

I was having a hectic day and I was asking just about anybody who happened to be around to help me out and to please do this for me or to do that and to get me this or that. One of the documents I needed was too thick to be stapled so I looked in my drawer for a fastener. I only found a “girl” half of the fastener. Without thinking of what I was about to say, I blurted out loud enough for the people in the next building to hear: “Noel, kelangan ko na ng lalaki…now na!”

Realizing what I just said froze me dead in my tracks as I looked sheepishly at my friend and said: “That didn’t sound right.”

Good thing he was a friend and thought nothing of it. A stranger would probably think me desperate (well, aren’t I? Don’t answer that!).

This is the story of my life…a series of embarrassing moments.

One time, after watching a movie at the mall, i was hurrying up to go to the ladies' room. Thinking that it was my sister who was right behind me, i grabbed hold of her hand while rushing about and whispered, "I need to GO! at nauutot pa ko!" I looked back at her to share some conspiratorial smile. Instead of my sister's face, I found myself looking at this stranger's face staring wide-eyed at me (why the heck didn't she wiggle out of my grab hold?). I casually let go of her hand and merely looked away as if I hadn’t said a single thing.

While in the middle of a crowd, a friend asked me the schedule of the cleaning lady that comes over to another friend's house. I replied: "M, W, ape (translation: F)" . Embarrassing!!

In one of my trips, a friend excitedly announced: "O, kodakan!". To which i replied, "Wait! Mag-refresh lang ako! (translation: Mag-retouch lang ako!). Gosh!

I even embarrass myself while in prayer. Every night, we gather around for a family prayer (well, “family” at home now consists mainly of me and my 2 yayas). One time, as I lead the prayer of the Apostle’s Creed, I prayed, “I believe in God the Father Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth. I believe in Jesus Christ His only Son our Lord. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins…”

I noticed the others had gone silent and were looking at me questioningly. Then I realized I had jumped forward and missed a whole section of the prayer. This was embarrassing not just to the others in prayer but most especially to God.

I silently said my "sorry prayer". Tao lang po!

It's a good thing my perfect God is forgiving and loves me...all of me, even my many embarrassing imperfections.

conversion of the X-Men

I'm writing this out of "panghihinayang".

The Tagalog-English dictionary translates this Tagalog word as "pity or regret". Maybe so. But there is simply no English equivalent to my "panghihinayang". What or who am i talking about? Well, let me tell you.

I see him so dashing through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh... oh wait, i got sidetracked with the onset of the "ber" months. Ok, here goes...

I see him and he is soooo dreamy looking and such a fine dresser. I hear him sing and it's like hearing an angel sing. I talk to him and he's so refined and is such a gentle man. Girls (and the questionables) swoon at the sight of him. I hear his friends talk about him and I only hear them say good things about him. What the heck is wrong with him then? Nothing except that... he is "WRONG".

"Wrong" you frown? Well, let me clarify...he's one of the X-Men (get it? ex-man?) - that's what's wrong.

Haaay! It is soooo frustrating to see all that "papable" goodness go to nothing...or should i say to no woman. For sometime now, I've made it my mission to pray for the conversion of the x-men. I tell myself that I need not end up as his Lucky Home Partner but any one of the female species would be answer enough to my prayer.

I think I've made some headway (or maybe it's just my imagination or wishful thinking on my part). But everybody seemed to be saying that all my efforts are futile. So, out of frustration, I've decided (temporarily) to take stock the advice of well-meaning friends and I've put off (again, temporarily) my quest for the conversion of the X-Men. I've, instead, taken up the old adage that says, "If you can't beat 'em, join them!"

In my pursuit to join the "race", I tried learning their language and so far, I've learned these:

Anik / Anetch — ano (what) / which

Baklah / Baklush — used instead of one’s name, may refer to any gender

Feel / feelanga /Fillet o’ Fish — type / gusto / crush/ like

Fly — alis (leave)

Jowa / Jowabelles / Jowabella — karelasyon / BF or GF

Enter the Dragon / Entourage — pasok (to enter) / come in

Crayola — iyak (to cry)

Itich - ito

Anong petsa na? — asked when someone is taking too long to dress up, etc.

Charing/Tienes — jest / a joke / not serious

Kaplang — mali (error) / mistake

Pamin, paminta, pamentos, pamenthol – discreet gay guy

Barbra Streisand / Barbara Perez — bara / binara (bluntly rejected)

Emote — mag-inarte pa rin (one who is over-acting)

Karir/Career — sineryoso ang isang bagay like BF or work (to be seriously involved)


Let me try it out: "Ano ba itich?! Kina-career ko ang pag-emote sa feelanga kong pamentos...pero crayola pa rin ako. Fly na lang kaya akish. Tienes!

Bagay ba?

Well, I'm off to learn something new...maybe I'll try learning their body language next time.

MRT Ride

I took the MRT going to Makati to visit my sister who was confined at the Makati Med for her D&C procedure. Even at the middle of the day, the train was packed. Luck was with me, however, as I was able to get a seat without a problem even as all the riders scrambled to find their seats.

In the next stop, an elderly lady got in and was standing a few feet from where i was seated. I looked at the passengers in front of her but they seemed oblivious to (more like ignoring) her presence.

I was tired. I haven't had a decent sleep in 3 days. I was feeling down. I felt weak and dejected. The list of excuses for me not to give up my seat to her went on.

Then, like in many of my silent conversations with God, I heard a hint of a whisper, "I understand exactly how you feel. I was also tired once. I was wounded. My limbs were almost without strength. Life was beaten out of me. Yet I stood up and gave up not just my seat or place for you but my life."

As I offered the elderly lady my seat, I asked God to forgive me for the many many times when I felt that my wounds, my hurts, my struggles are far deeper than His wounds or greater than His love and mercy.

alone

It’s Monday, 3 A.M. I received a text message from my sister, Emily, that she is finally rushed to Makati Med for D&C (dilatation & curetage or raspa) procedure. We’ve been anxiously waiting for her “profuse bleeding” ever since we learned of her miscarriage last Friday. Instead of inducing bleeding, her doctor had decided to let nature takes its own course. And I haven’t had sleep since Friday.

The loss of life at whatever stage is sad, more so for a small family like mine. And the mere thought that my sister has to go through some kind of medical procedure makes my heart pound.

I tell myself that thousands of women, if not millions, have undergone D&C procedure...that it's a simple procedure. But i can't help worrying. Emily is the only family i have left. Anything that threatens to tip the balance of our simple lives, anything that places her life at risk puts me in panic mode.

I curled up in bed seeking comfort and found none. I got up and paced the floor and walked around the house and no one was about. I even tried checking if a friend was up for a chat on the internet ...anything and anybody just to keep my mind off this worry.

It is at times like these that being alone is at its most difficult - when a hand to hold would have been most comforting; when a listening ear would have given me calm; when the sound of constant chattering would have been a most welcome distraction; when the presence of someone dear would have quieted my pounding heart.

I had set out to pray but it proved difficult. I had questions more than I had answers. I know that I should just trust in Him and believe that He's in control...that He has great plans for us. But I am afraid still. And I feel my faith waver.

Then a scene flashed before me - a scene where this man was mocked and hit and crucified. He was alone.

He, of all people, understands what being alone is all about. And He, of all people, sympathizes. He knows.

He will get me through this...He will get us through anything. I pray for strength, for faith...I pray for Emily and her family. And I ask for your prayers as well. The ordeal is not yet over even after a successful procedure. The questions will have just begun.

i need "S" in my life...i need it now!

A Body Age Test was being offered in the NPC premises wherein a device would be attached to your ear-clip or on a finger while taking deep breathes. The Test evaluates the overall health condition of one’s body and the body's aging speed vis-à-vis one’s calendar age.

Results of my Test showed that my body is aging faster than it should - my body age has accelerated by 4 years relative to my calendar age. I was told to take a healthier lifestyle in order to reverse the aging speed of my body.

I exercise regularly. I try to eat my daily dose of fruits and vegetables and grains and protein. So what else do I need to do?

As more employees took the test, the office was abuzz with talks on the results of their Body Tests. Some protested with disbelief; some were indignant; many placed blame on their work for the stress they’re in; a number expressed concern and worry.

There were also a number of women I chatted with who seemed to have the answer to reversing the aging speed. They were giggly and secretive about it. I had to use my powers of persuasion for them to share this seemingly effective secret to better health. Hints were dropped here and there until it finally dawned on me that what I needed was a good dose of “S” in my life.

I’ve never had “S” in my life. I’ve never tried it but those who had said it was good…and good for the health! I was advised to give it a try especially as I’m not getting any younger. I’ve also asked the opinion of my male friends in the office and they were literally pushing me to give it a try. I was told it’s an acquired taste - it might take me a bit of getting used to before I would actually get to like it since I’m not used to “S”.

Their persuasive powers were as good as mine. So now I’ve decided to give it a try real soon…maybe this week would be soon enough. I will give “S” a shot and see how it fares. I will finally get my dose of “S”…“S” as in Sustagen Premium (whatever did you think it was?)

Awwww!

I had planned on spending my weekend at my sister’s at Valle Verde to play with my niece, Isabel. I was also scheduled to meet with friends for some tete-a-tete. But life happened and I was confined at home, in bed, sick, alone and bored. Boredom can be a dangerous state to be in. It brings into surface nasty thoughts. So for a full two minutes of that weekend, I gave in to boredom and some form of “pag-iinarte” as I lamented at how alone I was or how no one was fussing over me or that nobody cared enough to find out if I was dying – I mean I was coughing pretty heavily! (dying from coughs?) After that two minutes I told myself, “Arte mo!” And that stopped me dead. Well…not dead obviously but…oh you know what I mean.

I entertained myself by catching up on my reading. I’m quite a reader and I have an eclectic collection of books – inspirational, spy/suspense, detective, drama (is there such a thing?), chic novels and of course, romance. I decided on historical romance.

Towards the end of the novel, the Viscount was declaring his love for this Lady. His line went like this: “Please come with me…You don’t have to love me back. You don’t have to be mine. Just let me be yours.”

Awwww! Ang CHEEEEEZYYY!!! But truth be told, I want those words directed at me! I want that for me! I want cheezy! Maybe not those exact words (I don’t think there are cheezy men left in this world!), but something along that line! Is that too much to ask?

Then I looked up from my reading and it hit me....I already have that in my life! I have someone who loves me unconditionally and is always by my side no matter how badly I’ve turned out. He waits for me day and night (all day actually) for a conversation. He listens to my every need and has my best interest at heart. Even if I hurt or disappoint Him, even if I turn away from Him, He just keeps on loving me. In fact, He carried my cross and gave up His life for me…for all of us.

This thought did not just give me pause, it made my heart smile…. I have cheezy!